We're the biggest kid at fat camp who just can't resist the cupcakes.

I'm terrible with analogies today. This one isn't pretty, but it makes sense. Well, that is, if you can see from the mind of a fat kid. I can.

Think about all of those reality shows on TV about getting in shape. All these people wanted there whoooooooole life was to get in shape. And then when they got the chance to be on said show it was a once in a lifetime chance. But throughout the experience they have so many fallbacks. They think about quitting. Giving up. Going home. Going back to their shitty life because maybe there's one chance that it'll be easier. The reward at the end doesn't seem worth it. Until they come close to leaving. Then they know. It's worth staying. They don't know what the hell they're in for, but they're willing to ride it out.

I never expected to meet him. I expected to stop that day with my boring family and just get through the night swimming, then listening to my ipod just awaiting the rest of the drive back to my own bed. Then all of a sudden it took a turn for the best. I met him there. Just sitting by a pool, casually as ever, discussing away our lives as if we went way back.

From that point on I tried to plan. Plan everything about our future together. And it caused fights. School dances, college, every little thing caused a fight. But when we're together, we don't worry about anything else in the world. We don't even worry about now, we enjoy it. We savour it. We love it. It's the most amazing thing ever.

I always said that I tried to plan because I didn't want to lose him, and I especially didn't want it to be a suprise. I was trying to protect myself.

I understand now how people can give up everything for their kids. I'd give up everything for him. I'd give up my sanity and happiness in the future if it means I get to love him now.

I wish I could get him to forgive me. To understand where I'm coming from. I'm going to college for 8 years or so. I can't be away from him for that long.

I can wish as much as I want. But it won't change anything. I love him, and I'll be here when he wants me. Because I know he does. I know he loves me. He's just reaching a breaking point. And it's okay. Because I pushed him to it, which isn't okay. I don't mean to fight. I don't mean to jump on him like I do. I'm trying to change for him. I'm trying to make him happy. I'm learning. It's jut a slow process.

We're going to get married. We're going to live happily ever after. The trail ahead of us is just going to be a tough one to blaze. But we have each other. And we always will. No matter how many miles are in between us.











I need to stop watching Biggest Loser... Biggest analogy fail ever.