Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

I attempt to be vague in the majority of my blogs hoping that they'll apply to many circumstances. But this one is about me, not you. So stfu and read or go die. This blog has a title that pulls you in because it sounds so meaningful, but really it just sounded nice. (Yes, that's called bait and switch. Thanks Mr.Stratton)

Anywho, I feel like a hypocrit.

The boy who I'm falling without a safety net for is already half-committed.

I want to criticize my little bitchy heart out. But I can't.

I want to say you can't love someone you've never met. But for those of you who know me, that's not true.

I only want for him to be happy. Honestly. While it would hurt to loose him, I'd be happy knowing he has what he loves. But I'm afraid for him. Because I have a big mouth. And I've been through what he is experiencing. Twice have I fallen for people before I met them. Then I met them, and it all went away.

I'm scared for him and scared for me.

I'm still lingering over the smoking boy, but I just can't seem to step away. I want to, but I feel like I need to find a purpose for the boy in whom I invested so much time and energy and love.

But I don't feel bad moving on.

I've moved on but I'm scared. I want to love him, but he can't completely love me. I don't want to be number two. He doesn't explain things to me sometimes. And I feel as though he could turn out like the smoking boy. Loving but lying.

I try to push these thoughts to the back of my head because the happiness he brings me could overcome almost anything.

His laugh gives me butterflies. His voice is the most beautiful song I've ever heard. I could look into his beatiful blue-green eyes forever and become lost in the ocean of love I see on the surface and deep down inside.

I can't describe how he makes me feel. It's not the dead kind of love. It's the fun kind of love. The love that made you want to hold hands with your crush on the playground and the kind that makes old couples kiss when they can barely hold onto life on their own.

I'm torn. But it doesn't hurt. I can't decide. But I have chosen something. I've chosen to go with the flow and just take the punches as they come, hurt if they may. And if I end up broken again, it's no one's fault but my own. And I can say that I have no regrets. I have no regrets with the smoking boy and I have no regrets with the boy with no name. yet

If my words allowed me to explain how I feel about you, I'd spill them to you in the most beautiful waterfall anyone had ever seen that fell into a pure, crystal pool of water compared to nothing other than your perfect eyes that I find as a door to your heart. The day that I can look into them and tell you how I feel without speaking is the day that I will have completed this mission. Je t'aime