I hope my few normal readers ignore this post because it's one hundred percent the drama fueled teen in me coming out. It needs somewhere to go.
So basically, here's the problem. I found myself the perfect guy. We've been friends for a few years, but we finally figured out we clicked more than just friends.
He's great, really. Really.
But I suppose I expect alot.
He has his moments where if it were anyone else, I'd tell them to fuck off and I'd not talk with them for a couple weeks. But I just can't do it with this one.
He seems so soft. Like a teddy bear. And he's so sweet, he notices the little things. But I'm also already noticing little problems.
I get that relationships are hard, and it's okay to say so. But I think it went a little far. When talking about a touchy subject, you have to pick your words carefully. It's ok to express out loud, but do it right. It hurts when you dedicate yourself to one person, and they say they "hate it".
"it" could mean so many things. But grammatically, "it" was the relationship.
When something really hurts me, or makes me mad, I get a sharp pain in the palms of my hands and in my face. And I for sure had that right when it came out of his mouth. I know he didn't mean to hurt, but it really did.
I don't want to "cause issues", but I AM a girl, and sometimes guys need a bit of guidance.
I also dislike guys who don't talk about what's going on. There's obviously something different, but I don't know what.
I told him I'll trust him until he gives me reason not to, but it's hard.
So bottom line is, if you've got something good going with a girl, don't tell her you hate it. You may just bring tears to her eyes, because it does indeed hurt.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Grocery Stores and Parents Who Deserve a Reward.
Being a horse person my whole life, I was never one to babysit - or want anything to do with kids for that matter. I have enough horsey stuff going on in my life, I don't need a kid to go along with it. I'm only 16, so I wouldn't want a kid anyway, but I just can't see myself being happy with a child. But I suppose things could change.
I personally know one parent who has a special needs child. She is an amazing person. She does absolutely everything with this child. He couldn't have a better life, regardless if he could walk or not. She sticks up for him and loves him like no other. She deserves more than the world could give her.
So the event of the day....
It was about 9 or so, and I was just getting to the grocery store after a day of barn chores and training session with a pony (whos story you may read here ) and my new 6 year old TB. Of course I'm with my mom wearing breeches, a tucked in shirt with a belt and tennis shoes. Which in a horsey area would be accepted. But not in my suburban community. A girl was walking around the produce section stomping and making loud noises near an older gentleman, who I presume is her father or guardian. Many people were staring (my community consists of many self absorbed stuck up assholes, by the way) but he was not phased. He stayed with the girl, who I'm guessing was 13 or 14, but acted about 3. I'm not sure what mental disabilities troubled her, but she seemed happy, just immature. I'm sure I could have handled the situation on a good day when I wasn't stressed or anything. But this father was absolutely calm. He was happy in fact. He watched the girl while he continued to put food into his cart. She pointed out some fruit (loudly, might I add) and started to scream and laugh. He chuckled with her, and asked her what color it was. I couldn't hear her reply, but I'm assuming she was right because she was still happy. I passed them a few more times and the man and the girl just seemed so calm in such an obnoxious and busy store.
I couldn't stop thinking about it the entire night. If I had to deal with something like that all day every day, I'd lose my marbles. I envy this man. Though he's a stranger, he is a hero
I personally know one parent who has a special needs child. She is an amazing person. She does absolutely everything with this child. He couldn't have a better life, regardless if he could walk or not. She sticks up for him and loves him like no other. She deserves more than the world could give her.
So the event of the day....
It was about 9 or so, and I was just getting to the grocery store after a day of barn chores and training session with a pony (whos story you may read here ) and my new 6 year old TB. Of course I'm with my mom wearing breeches, a tucked in shirt with a belt and tennis shoes. Which in a horsey area would be accepted. But not in my suburban community. A girl was walking around the produce section stomping and making loud noises near an older gentleman, who I presume is her father or guardian. Many people were staring (my community consists of many self absorbed stuck up assholes, by the way) but he was not phased. He stayed with the girl, who I'm guessing was 13 or 14, but acted about 3. I'm not sure what mental disabilities troubled her, but she seemed happy, just immature. I'm sure I could have handled the situation on a good day when I wasn't stressed or anything. But this father was absolutely calm. He was happy in fact. He watched the girl while he continued to put food into his cart. She pointed out some fruit (loudly, might I add) and started to scream and laugh. He chuckled with her, and asked her what color it was. I couldn't hear her reply, but I'm assuming she was right because she was still happy. I passed them a few more times and the man and the girl just seemed so calm in such an obnoxious and busy store.
I couldn't stop thinking about it the entire night. If I had to deal with something like that all day every day, I'd lose my marbles. I envy this man. Though he's a stranger, he is a hero
Monday, July 25, 2011
"Let's Just Put It Behind Us"
I once heard a guy tell me that women hold grudges for ever, and men put things behind them. I've discovered the secret.
I (like many other girls) have been screwed over by far too many guys in my life. Guys seem to think that once you fight something out, it's fine the next day - when it's their fault.
Truth is, is that guys just aren't as wise in thinking ahead. It's human nature to forgive for a few mistakes. But a repetative occurence is called a habit. And habits are tough - some say impossible - to break. If something has happened once or twice, and it's forgiveable, it's ok. But on to the fourth, fifth, sixth time? It's not acceptable.
I'm smart enough to know that guys are clueless about themselves. Its the same reason males have less self confidence issues. It's because they're blind. They don't see it when they're being dumb (for lack of a better term.)
They lack so many common sense skills. I can't think of one guy that has the intuition, common sense or ability to change that a woman does. I'm not saying I'd like to be surrounded by women - because I can't stand a lot of them.
I'm rambling know. Bottom line is that when it gets to a point with any male figure that I can assume when a fight, argument or problem when occur, it's time to move on.
I (like many other girls) have been screwed over by far too many guys in my life. Guys seem to think that once you fight something out, it's fine the next day - when it's their fault.
Truth is, is that guys just aren't as wise in thinking ahead. It's human nature to forgive for a few mistakes. But a repetative occurence is called a habit. And habits are tough - some say impossible - to break. If something has happened once or twice, and it's forgiveable, it's ok. But on to the fourth, fifth, sixth time? It's not acceptable.
I'm smart enough to know that guys are clueless about themselves. Its the same reason males have less self confidence issues. It's because they're blind. They don't see it when they're being dumb (for lack of a better term.)
They lack so many common sense skills. I can't think of one guy that has the intuition, common sense or ability to change that a woman does. I'm not saying I'd like to be surrounded by women - because I can't stand a lot of them.
I'm rambling know. Bottom line is that when it gets to a point with any male figure that I can assume when a fight, argument or problem when occur, it's time to move on.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Return to blogging.. finally.
It's 11:50. I'm still in my pajamas watching what not to wear about a cat obsessed cellist (sp?). It makes me feel better about myself. How bad does that sound? Welcome to life, kids. I'm not the kind of person who will put other people down or stab them in the back because it helps my confidence level. I think that's awful. But sometimes I'll look at someone who is clueless about life or that has a bad attitude or whom doesn't appreciate what they have and think "wow, it sucks to be that person."
I've been riding horses since I was 7 years old. I'll be 16 in late August. Horses are a cut-throat industry. In Ohio, where everything began for me, sportsmanship was a good thing. I remember being at multiple shows, riding lessons, etc. where everyone, even complete strangers, encouraged each other.
I was in one show where there were two girls in my Training 2 dressage class. The other girl and I were practically the same. We were even riding the same horse. It was tough competition! She had tacked up our horse and when she was done in the warmup ring, it was my turn to warm up. I trotted the horse around the first corner and I hit the ground. All I could think was "dumb bitch didn't tighten the girth." But when I stood up and dusted my shirt off to go catch the nutso horse I had a better thought. It wasn't her fault. It was mine. I know I'm supposed to check the girth before I mount up.
She apologized over and over. I put the saddle back on, handed her the reins and said "don't worry about it, everything is okay, good luck." I wasn't mad. I was shaken, sure.
Another girl I knew who wasn't riding that day gave me a huge hug and said to forget about it, I was an awesome rider and everyone knew that.
It was my turn to ride my test and I did almost perfectly. We floated through the test. Easy. Piece of cake. After the final salaute, I was relieved, but it wasn't over.
After the tests were scored I went to see how I did. There was a blue ribbon laying there with a trophy, next to a red ribbon. I was nervous. Although second place isn't bad, no one else had to know it also meant last. The trophy and the blue ribbon were picked up and my heart skipped a beat, and then they were handed to me. The red ribbon went to the other girl, but we were both satisfied.
The point of the story is, karma happens. And winning fair is the best feeling in the world.
I went to a show at the end of May where I live now, in Minnesota. I rode in two jumper rounds, and one hunter round. I had probably 30 to 40 people in each class - big show. I had never ridden a hunter round in my life, I'd always been a jumper. I went into the hunter ring and actually had a good round, but what I heard when I left the ring was absolutely terrible. Three girls sat ringside and laughed at me. I had worked at the barn where these girls kept their horses. I jump higher than they do. And I'm a hard worker. I ignored them and moved on with my life, but it still sticks in my head that people can be so cruel.
The best policy for sports is this:
Keep a level head; think before you react. There are consequences for actions and reactions.
Winning doesn't mean you beat everyone else. Winning means you come out of the ring, field, court, etc. feeling like you've accomplished something. And just because you didn't win doesn't mean you lost.
What goes around comes around. The person you just made fun of may just kick your ass later, because they've got a better attitude than you.
It's all about the heart. If you don't have the heart, fire, passion and spirit to do what you're doing, then stop doing it.
And lastly, never give up. Anything you thought was worth doing in the first place is always worth giving another shot. Don't ever regret anything that made you a better person. Everything makes you a better person.
I've been riding horses since I was 7 years old. I'll be 16 in late August. Horses are a cut-throat industry. In Ohio, where everything began for me, sportsmanship was a good thing. I remember being at multiple shows, riding lessons, etc. where everyone, even complete strangers, encouraged each other.
I was in one show where there were two girls in my Training 2 dressage class. The other girl and I were practically the same. We were even riding the same horse. It was tough competition! She had tacked up our horse and when she was done in the warmup ring, it was my turn to warm up. I trotted the horse around the first corner and I hit the ground. All I could think was "dumb bitch didn't tighten the girth." But when I stood up and dusted my shirt off to go catch the nutso horse I had a better thought. It wasn't her fault. It was mine. I know I'm supposed to check the girth before I mount up.
She apologized over and over. I put the saddle back on, handed her the reins and said "don't worry about it, everything is okay, good luck." I wasn't mad. I was shaken, sure.
Another girl I knew who wasn't riding that day gave me a huge hug and said to forget about it, I was an awesome rider and everyone knew that.
It was my turn to ride my test and I did almost perfectly. We floated through the test. Easy. Piece of cake. After the final salaute, I was relieved, but it wasn't over.
After the tests were scored I went to see how I did. There was a blue ribbon laying there with a trophy, next to a red ribbon. I was nervous. Although second place isn't bad, no one else had to know it also meant last. The trophy and the blue ribbon were picked up and my heart skipped a beat, and then they were handed to me. The red ribbon went to the other girl, but we were both satisfied.
The point of the story is, karma happens. And winning fair is the best feeling in the world.
I went to a show at the end of May where I live now, in Minnesota. I rode in two jumper rounds, and one hunter round. I had probably 30 to 40 people in each class - big show. I had never ridden a hunter round in my life, I'd always been a jumper. I went into the hunter ring and actually had a good round, but what I heard when I left the ring was absolutely terrible. Three girls sat ringside and laughed at me. I had worked at the barn where these girls kept their horses. I jump higher than they do. And I'm a hard worker. I ignored them and moved on with my life, but it still sticks in my head that people can be so cruel.
The best policy for sports is this:
Keep a level head; think before you react. There are consequences for actions and reactions.
Winning doesn't mean you beat everyone else. Winning means you come out of the ring, field, court, etc. feeling like you've accomplished something. And just because you didn't win doesn't mean you lost.
What goes around comes around. The person you just made fun of may just kick your ass later, because they've got a better attitude than you.
It's all about the heart. If you don't have the heart, fire, passion and spirit to do what you're doing, then stop doing it.
And lastly, never give up. Anything you thought was worth doing in the first place is always worth giving another shot. Don't ever regret anything that made you a better person. Everything makes you a better person.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Phone Contract. (Miscellaneous Ranting)
So while reading an acquittance's blog, I found that she had made her son sign a phone contract. Stating his curfew, his financial obligations and that his parents could take his phone and go through it any time they wanted. I am perfectly okay with agreements between parents and their children. I don't know HOW it went down. But I feel as if a contract should be mutual. I've had a phone since 5th grade. I'm going into 11th next year. I've never had to have a contract with my parents about it. Nor have I ever had it taken. They've never gone through it, either.
Regardless of trust, kids do things that parents wouldn't. It's that simple. As a kid, if our parents had the same technology we do, they'd understand.
Now, I'm going to take a third person stance, because I'm not sure who reads my blog. But I don't personally know anyone who is a heavy "sexter", but I know that many kids/teens do it. I also know plenty of adults do too! But parents, riddle me this. Wouldn't you rather have your child exploring sex in a text message than in a bed belonging to a member of the opposite sex? You can't get STDs or babies from texting. Chances are, if you're kid is texting about it, they're not doing it. If your kid had the guts to actually do the things they're "sexting" about, they'd be out doing it, not just talking about it.
And putting the phone up at night. *sigh* I feel as if most parents do this because they know it'll give them a chance to snipe it and go through it. This is so irritating. What's the purpose? Our parents parents couldn't just go through their kid's conversations. Granted, people actually talked to each other back then. But honestly, is that the best thing you've got to do? Instead of going through their phone, go talk to them! Be involved!
My mom and I fight sometimes, obviously. But she doesn't need to go through my phone, laptop, etc. She knows everything! She knows about my friends and my male interests and the music I like and the pictures I post on facebook. She's also aware that I'm almost 16. Yes, I say damn, shit, hell, and the occasional fuck. But guess what, so do adults!
I know many kids who've been extremely restricted their whole life. And they get out on their own, and they fall apart. They're let off the reins and don't know what to do. So they just go, with no direction. One of my close friends has very ~VERY~ controlling parents. And unknown to them, she rebels every chance she get. Just because it's the only freedom she gets.
I guess some people will never understand. If you leave your kids to figure some things out, and support them along they way, they'll turn out alright. I mean look at me, I hold down 4 jobs (stable hand, rehabbing a horse, exercising two more. Oh, and I also do office work for my parents AS WELL AS train with my horse every day) and I'm in training to become an Olympic athlete. I also have good grades, am bilingual, am in honors classes (some senior, while I should only be a junior) and I'm beginning to pick out high goals for college.
And guess what? I never signed a phone contract.
P.s. If you've restricted your kid so much that they need a phone contract, they probably won't be talking to any girls or bad influences anyway. So that should ease your mind about him doing anything dirty or inappropriate on his phone.
Regardless of trust, kids do things that parents wouldn't. It's that simple. As a kid, if our parents had the same technology we do, they'd understand.
Now, I'm going to take a third person stance, because I'm not sure who reads my blog. But I don't personally know anyone who is a heavy "sexter", but I know that many kids/teens do it. I also know plenty of adults do too! But parents, riddle me this. Wouldn't you rather have your child exploring sex in a text message than in a bed belonging to a member of the opposite sex? You can't get STDs or babies from texting. Chances are, if you're kid is texting about it, they're not doing it. If your kid had the guts to actually do the things they're "sexting" about, they'd be out doing it, not just talking about it.
And putting the phone up at night. *sigh* I feel as if most parents do this because they know it'll give them a chance to snipe it and go through it. This is so irritating. What's the purpose? Our parents parents couldn't just go through their kid's conversations. Granted, people actually talked to each other back then. But honestly, is that the best thing you've got to do? Instead of going through their phone, go talk to them! Be involved!
My mom and I fight sometimes, obviously. But she doesn't need to go through my phone, laptop, etc. She knows everything! She knows about my friends and my male interests and the music I like and the pictures I post on facebook. She's also aware that I'm almost 16. Yes, I say damn, shit, hell, and the occasional fuck. But guess what, so do adults!
I know many kids who've been extremely restricted their whole life. And they get out on their own, and they fall apart. They're let off the reins and don't know what to do. So they just go, with no direction. One of my close friends has very ~VERY~ controlling parents. And unknown to them, she rebels every chance she get. Just because it's the only freedom she gets.
I guess some people will never understand. If you leave your kids to figure some things out, and support them along they way, they'll turn out alright. I mean look at me, I hold down 4 jobs (stable hand, rehabbing a horse, exercising two more. Oh, and I also do office work for my parents AS WELL AS train with my horse every day) and I'm in training to become an Olympic athlete. I also have good grades, am bilingual, am in honors classes (some senior, while I should only be a junior) and I'm beginning to pick out high goals for college.
And guess what? I never signed a phone contract.
P.s. If you've restricted your kid so much that they need a phone contract, they probably won't be talking to any girls or bad influences anyway. So that should ease your mind about him doing anything dirty or inappropriate on his phone.
Monday, June 20, 2011
He's not worth the dirt on my brand new shoes.
It's the first day of summer. All I wanna do for the next three months is spend time with my horses (Not that that's different from the other 9 months of the year), go to bonfires and listen to country music.
But I can't help but think what's coming in a week. It'll be a year since I met him. And in that past year, I've been thrown around the world and back again. Was it worth it? Maybe. But I learned. I learned I'm better than settling for. I'm better than him. I'm better than that .
I've determined what I'll have in a guy. Sure I want a tall guy, only because I'm tall myself. A decent body, I don't expect some Abercrombie model. But general muscles are nice. I want a cowboy. One who gets up at 6 to feed his cows or pigs or whatever, and would rather be on a horse or ATV that on an XBOX. A guy who knows the value of work AND what I do. As well as one who knows respect. One who can protect me. Maybe this is all sprouting from the country music I've been jamming into my iTunes. Above all, I want a guy who can point at me from across the room, or from the granstands while I'm competing and proudly say to anyone, "That's my girl".
"I'll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by"
-I'm still a guy, Brad Paisley.
Yeah, I think that sounds pretty good to me.
But I can't help but think what's coming in a week. It'll be a year since I met him. And in that past year, I've been thrown around the world and back again. Was it worth it? Maybe. But I learned. I learned I'm better than settling for. I'm better than him. I'm better than that .
I've determined what I'll have in a guy. Sure I want a tall guy, only because I'm tall myself. A decent body, I don't expect some Abercrombie model. But general muscles are nice. I want a cowboy. One who gets up at 6 to feed his cows or pigs or whatever, and would rather be on a horse or ATV that on an XBOX. A guy who knows the value of work AND what I do. As well as one who knows respect. One who can protect me. Maybe this is all sprouting from the country music I've been jamming into my iTunes. Above all, I want a guy who can point at me from across the room, or from the granstands while I'm competing and proudly say to anyone, "That's my girl".
"I'll pour out my heart
Hold your hand in the car
Write a love song that makes you cry
Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground
'Cause he copped a feel as you walked by"
-I'm still a guy, Brad Paisley.
Yeah, I think that sounds pretty good to me.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
2 More Days
Oh, hey there blog. Long time no talk.
Three more days. I'm sitting in study hall with my hair down in shirts listening to the plain white tees, just waiting for summer.
Having freedom is one of the best things a kid could ask for. I want to run through the grass barefoot feeling the sun on my shoulders and the warm breeze in my natural hair. It's an amazing feeling. The warmth is comforting. The bright flowers sprouting all around you. It makes you hungry and satisfied all at the same time.
All that comes to my mind is smiles. Smiles make life worth it. Seeing the little kids splashing in their sprinklers, or being amazed by baby birds in the tree in their front yard. It's so exhilarating.
For me it's the beginning of show season. With my horse every day making sure he looks his best for any shows coming up. And FAIR. Oh fairs. They're fantastic. They make you gain 10 pounds just looking at them, but they're delightful.
I hate being cooped up in my room. I may start posting videos as blogs. Simply because I feel that videos versus blogs are like summer versus winter. Everything is more vivid. It allows for imagination and recognition. It's amazing how intensely the brain can pick things out if videos, without you even knowing.
Oh right... I'm still sitting in study hall. Two more days. Then, Im free.
Three more days. I'm sitting in study hall with my hair down in shirts listening to the plain white tees, just waiting for summer.
Having freedom is one of the best things a kid could ask for. I want to run through the grass barefoot feeling the sun on my shoulders and the warm breeze in my natural hair. It's an amazing feeling. The warmth is comforting. The bright flowers sprouting all around you. It makes you hungry and satisfied all at the same time.
All that comes to my mind is smiles. Smiles make life worth it. Seeing the little kids splashing in their sprinklers, or being amazed by baby birds in the tree in their front yard. It's so exhilarating.
For me it's the beginning of show season. With my horse every day making sure he looks his best for any shows coming up. And FAIR. Oh fairs. They're fantastic. They make you gain 10 pounds just looking at them, but they're delightful.
I hate being cooped up in my room. I may start posting videos as blogs. Simply because I feel that videos versus blogs are like summer versus winter. Everything is more vivid. It allows for imagination and recognition. It's amazing how intensely the brain can pick things out if videos, without you even knowing.
Oh right... I'm still sitting in study hall. Two more days. Then, Im free.
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